Thursday, February 16, 2006

Not a Bad Idea

They're coming in over the transom, but here's oneI especially liked:

Understanding the Opposite Sex

An email from a friend --


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife."

He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she." (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that. Show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS."


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Shooting in the Dark Too Long

Don't get me wrong -- I love Dick Cheney, I do. But this hunting accident thing is almost more than I can stand. A man shows his mettle when he faces the music and admits he made a mistake. I'm sure he has done that with Mr. Whittington himself, and that's all fine -- but the man ought to come out and face the public, not hide in a bunker.

This story isn't such a big deal, but for the way it has been handled, all around, by the Veep and all of the PR flaks.

I'm with bro on this one.

More Billboards

Because some folk were so amused by the last batch:

Friday, February 03, 2006

A little humor for the weekend.

One Smart Young Fella

Fresh in from Oklahoma, a young fellow goes to one of California's "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. Asked if he has any sales experience, the kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Oklahoma."

Well, the boss liked the cut of his jib, so to speak, and hired him.

At the end of his first day on the job, the boss came down to check on the boy.

"How many sales did you make today?"

"One," the kid says.

"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"

"A Hunnerd and twelve thousand dollars and thirty-two cents," the kid beams.

"Holy cow!! What the heck did you sell?"

The kid explains, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."

The boss is impressed. "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"

"No," the boy says, "he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."


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